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逆乐园Help!When I was not yet 18 years old, I decided to leave my family and settle myself in some other country. Till now I have been studied here for 3 years and half, if nothing goes wrong I will be graduated in summer.
I still remeber the very first purpose that I chose this country was that I love mango and weather here. But things always get more complicated than what we expected.
You see, we watch and read news about robbary, rapes and all sort of crimes. But we never thought that it could come to us this close.
The day before yesterday, I was talking on the phone in the yard before my dorm. And there were 2 guys(men) keep coming in and out for several times. I didn't pay attention, all I thought of was these 2 men don't look so nice. And there were still many people walking by at that time. Until for one moment that there was no one left in the yard any more, except me. I was back towards them talking on the phone, and they started approaching me. I suddently realized the danger (don't ask me why, intuition), then I started running. By the second I started running, they caught me from my back(they could ran faster than me). Took out a knife, it was almost 15cm long, and hit me from their left hand side. If I didn't turn to face them in time, the knife would gone through my heart directly. I fail to the ground, and scream like hell. For one moment, I thought I was dead. And they ran away.
I stood up, went back to my room, locked up every lock. And called the police. It was my bad luck that no body picked up the damn phone at that time. So I contaced my teacher right away. The luckiest thing is that I wasn't hurt, at all. It was a miracle, the knife didn't hurt me somehow. For people in this country, they belived that I am protected by good and strong spirits.
But I have lost every optimistic thought towards life, I see no sunshine since the moment they caught me from my back. I couldn't get away the image, they appear day and night in dreams. The police man came one hour after the issue and just to tell me that they can't catch them any more. I told the police man that if they want my support, they could find the finger prints from my shirt!
I am weak now, there has been no courage left for me to face my life. I fear life, I fear darkness and lonelyness,I fear any touch from the others.
I cried all the water out of my body, because only God knows how scared I am.
Tell me what to do?
December 02 December!It is a new month, but it symbolizes the ending of the past year. I am older again, can't believe it. I would rather stay still. Time flyies, really. Sooner or later I will be 30 years old, damn! It is horrible!
This is a month of festival, but a month of sadness for me. For these much of festival, my time will be full of the competition, jobs, and exams. I don't have family here, not even a couple of friends. I know that is pathetic, yeah! Why? Why don' I have some of the friends and drag me out to get drunk somewhere. (I am just kidding, I don't drink....)
 And at least, for those who are like me, they would be like holding dozens of roses, dressed up, with adorable smile going to dinner, to movies with their boyfriends. I don't have none of these. Some times when friends ask about my bf, I say: "He is in London." "WOW! For what?" "Masters..." "Wowwwww! What school?" "LSE.." "Shit! You are blowing your horn..." "....?"The feeling of being alone is something both hateful and lovely. You enjoy and suffer from it. Some times, I just wanna have a couple of cigerettes. Now I kinda of understand how the smoke calms down a person. It calms me down, even just smell the smoke from my friends who are smoking.
Make a new year wish: "Come back! My smile, my happiness, and my freedom..." November 19 new job!My teacher has found me a new job oportunity for being an English teacher, for a 6 year old kid. (Her friend's son) I was a bit of uncomfortable, first of all I thought this is not the kind of job that I would like to take. Second, the salary rate is kind of low and she is not taking care of the trasportation fee.
In fact, I expected my job to be more professional in my field, and then salary would not be so important any more. Because the experience is more expensive. Plus, I am not so much of short in money, so I was hesitating a lot whether it is a good idea for me to take this job. In addition, there are a lot of difficult subjects this semester, I am really not sure if I will be able to handle all the projects, exams, quizes and works.
Life changes her face all the time, she brings you sunlights, and she brings you storms. But what I believe is everything is for a reason, and never reject a single chance that passes you by. Although it might not be the perfect work for me, who knows what is going to happen in the future? Perhaps I will find more chances through this working period which will lead me further to the path of my destination. Unless the situation gets really critical, I will not give up.
Most importantly, I have my family and my dearest friends beside me. They always say "It's ok!", and they are always the strongest support for me, whether I fail or not. I thank all the people who are willing to give me a hand and who are willing to support me as a friend. November 11 Good day, everyone!Tomorrow my bf's brother is getting married, I've sent them some e-cards, and I am going to send some presents off to ChiangMai to represent me since I can be presented in the wedding ceremony.
When I was writing the words on the cards, I couldn't come up with good ones. It took me quite a bit of time to think. Normally, we say that "wish you are happily ever after", "wish you are together forever"...But it is a curse sometimes to some people, well in different cases I guess.
I have been praying everyday to God, and God's mother for passing Managiral Accounting. And they fullfilled my wish. which is very nice of them. But with a terrible grade, although it is better than F...sad story still...
My teacher was talking about me wearing not nice shoes, I normally wear casual shoes by the way and I like them very much personally. For their request, I went to bought another pair of new shoes for "them". Coz' I don't feel like I need them. They look fine on me, I bought the cheapeast kind, so that when next time I need to change them I won't feel too guity.
Love everyone! I should be glad stil, becasue except Managiral Accounting, I got pretty good grades for all other subjects. Hope I can get better grades for this semester!~ |
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